This past weekend the words of Eleanor Roosevelt kept running through my head. I had to do something that made me look bad in the eyes of many people who do not know my situation. It was beyond hard. It was embarrassing. It made me look like I don’t care about someone that I care deeply for. The reason I did what I did was out of care and concern for the very person it appeared that I didn’t care for!! It’s maddening.
Long story short: Our niece is getting married. She is a sweet girl who I love very much. Her bridal shower was this weekend and I am probably the only woman in town (or nearby towns) in my husbands family that did not go. Why didn’t I go?
Her mother…Steve’s sister…doesn’t like me. I don’t mean she could take or leave me…I mean she can’t stand to be in the same room as me. She doesn’t hide it. She doesn’t say anything. She literally stares at the floor and wont speak if I am in a room with her. This has been going on for nearly 8 years. In that time we have been in the same room 5 times. This was at different family gatherings…a birthday party…a funeral…a cookout….out of town relatives visiting and so on. If I am anywhere near her she shuts down and it is evident to anyone with eyes that she is reacting to my presence. It’s embarrassing and uncomfortable for everyone. She won’t leave the room. So I do. Add to this…I have been in this family for 20 plus years but she has been in this family for 48 years. I lose.
Before you suggest it…no there is no way to make peace with her. None. She will not hear of it. If I told you why she doesn’t like me you wouldn’t believe me so I’m not going to bother. Just know that it has to do with her thinking she was going to miss an episode of 24 because of me. No really. Enough said.
SO I made the choice not to go to her daughters bridal shower because it was being held at a cousins house…so close quarters….and I didn’t want our niece to be uncomfortable or for her mother to steal the attention away from her for any reason.
I look bad. I look like I don’t care. I’m not a good family member. yadda yadda yadda.
But I know why I did it. I know it was the right thing to do. I know in the end I saved a lot of people… including myself a lot of stress and anxiety.
If they never know why…that’s ok. I have to be ok with that. Because in the end…I will be criticized anyway.
ps…yes we are going to the wedding. It will be in a large venue where I can keep a safe distance! 😉
Happy Hump Day!!