Baby, Baby, Where did my Zen go?


I seem to have misplaced my Zen. My happy, peaceful, gently motivating, sweet, sweet, Zen. You seeI’ve got this burning, burning, yearning feelin inside me….Ooh, deep inside me. Β To get it back.

So what does Zen mean to me? It means to be in balance. To feel fulfilled while still growing and changing. To be content in my skin…to be plugged into the present, while striving to be the Penguin I know I can be. It’s a fine line. A hard one to navigate.

It’s tough to be happy in the midst of mental chaos, anxiety, change or worse yet (for me) the feeling of being stagnant. Eh. Stagnant.I just can’t stand that feeling of making no progress. It’s almost worse than moving backwards for me. It brings on guilt and feelings or indecisiveness which is something that I dislike in myself.

Last night we were sitting outside enjoying the Spring weather and I was telling Steve how I was feeling. He looked at me and simply said…You need to focus on getting your Zen back.

He could see that I had lost my way. I wasn’t able to focus because I was too busy questioning everything that I know I want. I was too busy beating myself up for not being further along or for things that are out of my control. (Control is a biggie for me and totally not my kinda Zen πŸ˜‰ )

Letting go of the things I don’t have control over is vital to my happiness…probably true for everyone right? But I also need to cut myself some slack and understand that I’m a work in progress and that’s ok.


I don’t have to have it all figure out (and neither do you) to move forward. I can take leaps, one at a time…gain my bearings and then leap again.


I can start without seeing the finish line.


THAT is what I’ve lost sight of. I’ve gotten so tied up in the hows and whys…that I’ve forgotten that I am clever enough to find my way without a mental GPS. I had lost my fluidity.

Sometimes when we want so badly to make a change or to inspire change, we start to doubt our own worth. The truth is, we are all valuable. We all have something to contribute. It doesn’t take perfection to share your voice…it’s takes honesty, heart, a bit of humility and a whole bunch of courage.

ThenΒ you choose a direction…and move. It’s not easy…it’s simple…but not easy. We just have to be brave enough…to trust in ourselves enough…to move in the direction that speaks to us. It’s all we can do…and as I’ve said many, many times, the alternative is not a optionΒ for me. Settling for what is…is not an option for me. So I choose to move.

How about you?

Thanks for reading~


39 thoughts on “Baby, Baby, Where did my Zen go?

    1. I’m so sorry you’re feeling lost and confused. I totally get that. I’m feeling very much the same way these days. I’m taking my own advice and plugging away though. I just need to keep moving forward…even if it’s in a zig zag motions. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I’m really happy to see this blog, and I’m glad we had that chat. I think you’ll find your Zen is right were you left it – inside you. The weekend starts in a half an hour, let’s make it zensational weekend. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 4 people

  2. LOVE LOVE LOVE your post! Needed it so badly. Im right there with you – feels good to know im not alone. Im looking for my Zen and I dont need to see the finish line to get started! LOVE IT! Sending you a hug filled with gratitude xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “I seem to have misplaced my Zen.” I read that and immediately thought of the Ten Ox Herding Pictures. And, your predicament reminded me of this:

    Mind Weeds β€œYou should rather be grateful for the weeds you have in your mind, because eventually they will enrich your practice.”
    –Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

    You’ll find it. Meanwhile, happy gardening. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my goodness! This post reflects SO MUCH of what I’ve been going through personally – especially when you said “I can start without seeing the finish line.” Fluidity is key. It’s important for us to remember that we are constantly co-creating our lives, hand in hand with the Universe. Sometimes it’s good for us to forge ahead and do do do, and others, let goooo of the reigns and allow the rest to be put in place by the forces of all that is. To be. Zen. Yes. Fantastic post, Nikki. So much appreciated!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kayla…this is a beautiful comment. I am definitely in the ‘let goooo of the reigns and allow the rest to be put in place by the forces of all that is.’ part. I’m feeling like letting go and letting the Universe guide me right now. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh Nikki, I’ve had many, many moments like this, when I question everything, my direction, my purpose, feelings of not moving. You’re not alone but trust me when I say you WILL get your zen back. Just have faith and don’t be too hard on yourself in the meantime. Life has a way of working out. πŸ™‚Big hugs sent to you from across the ocean. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Miri. I can use the hugs right now. I don’t understand how I can go from being SO sure and secure to feeling like I’m wandering around aimlessly. It’s super frustrating. But just as it always does…time and a lot of quiet seem to help get me back on track. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I really do understand exactly what you’re saying Nikki. Don’t fight it too much, you’ll come through it again, just like you (we) always do. Time and quiet … yes, it all helps. Another hug xo ❀️

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Yay, Nikki, good for you. ❀ It's so helpful to be aware – simple awareness is curative isn't it? Sometimes I find that life goes in waves … sometimes I'm in the flow, and other times I'm really in it. And always in the learning (which is a blessing, even if I'm not always getting that at first). Anyway, I love you.

    For me – I was in a Soul-Centered Professional Coaching Program this weekend! It was lovely, and I came forward more fully in the peace and compassion inside of me. I really showed up, Nikki. ~Debbie ps — Blessings to you and Steve and Vivi.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hello Nikki!
    What a beautifully written piece and so honest. It has clearly touched a chord with many of us.
    Yes, I understand the feelings you describe. I found the things that help me when I feel like this is not to fight it anymore. Be extra kind to yourself by giving you some time to think, dwell on what’s coming up and if possible, go into nature alone and hear what she has to show you. Struggling for an answer or a solution doesn’t seem to add any value. And… writing it here amongst like minded and caring people really is healing in itself. Knowing your not alone.
    So, just love and nurture yourself through it and your ‘next’ will soon emerge for you. Sending a hug over to you too. All the best and thank you for a lovely post πŸ’œπŸŒΉ

    Liked by 1 person

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